humour

What do dragon’s eat?

I found this little guy munching on biscuits in my kitchen so and I had to wonder, really, what do dragons eat?

dragon

Munching on afternoon tea, I had to stop and ponder,

Were dragons cake eaters or of biscuits are they fonder?

Do their sharp claws make it hard to eat a dainty bite?

Or do they just gobble it all up, one chomp and its out of sight?

Do their wings get in the way when they turn around and move?

Or do they have big dragon kitchens with enough space to dance and groove?

Or do they like cups of tea or do they just drink juice?

Or do their claws always get in their way and they wonder what’s the use?

Can you imagine a tea party with a dragon, oh how fun it would be,

To sit and talk of flying, breathing fire and all things dragon-y

Would they need to cut up their fruit?

Or would they rip it apart with their hands?

Looking at a pineapple either way some effort it still demands!

If you ever find a dragon, please ask them a question or two,

For I’d like to know if the answers to the above I actually knew 😉

My Top Five Cooking Fails or Anecdotes from In My Kitchen

Have you ever followed a recipe to the t thinking, yes, this will be a winner…then it happens…it falls on the floor, it flops, it burns, its just not right. Yep…me too.

Contrary to popular belief I haven’t always executed amazing dishes. Hard to believe I know (tongue is firmly in cheek by the way). Some of my best disasters have happened when I have been in cooking competitions, where the pressure is even higher than your family sitting at a dining table hungrily awaiting your feast. So I give you five of the best. Because who doesn’t love hearing about what not to do and how I could have done it better. Take it away

Number One – The infamous crème caramel surprise

It was my first foray into French desserts and it was not pretty. The caramel was watery, the custard undercooked. The result? A sloppy eggy mess turned out at the table with much anticipation to be met with much horror. It is still referred to as the crème caramel surprise whenever a family feels the need to mock me. Moral of the story – practice makes perfect. I now make a mean crème caramel

creme caramel

Number Two – The oven that wasn’t on

Before commencing a cooking competition there are a few things that you do before cooking. Turn on the oven, light the stove, make sure all your utensils are in order and then pick up your knives. Note the turn on the oven. I thought it was on and it unfortunately wasn’t and I didn’t realise until the time allocated for me to bake one of my ingredients was running out. Trying not to let it show I racked my brains on what to do. I decided (wrongly) to just put them in and see how it went. The result? Raw tomatoes…not my finest hour. Moral of the story – check your oven. If not on and its too late,  there is a stove and it may help to start the cooking process.

oven

Number Three – The falling pasta

My family loves to make pasta. I have a kitchen aid attachment especially. Our usual technique for drying is to hang it over a broom stick kept aside for this purpose balanced between two chairs or a chair and a table. Now I must point out, for the better part of say 20 years my Dad had his spot at the kitchen table. It was his spot and no one else felt right sitting there. One day my sister and I were making pasta and were using Dad’s chair to balance the broom stick. Dad either didn’t see the pasta or chose to stand his ground that it was his chair and he came into the kitchen and pulled the chair out to sit down. Needless to say the pasta hit the ground….much to my sister’s and I annoyance we gathered it up and started again. Until he came back and did it again….and again. Three times he pulled the chair back. I don’t know if he was having a bad day or he couldn’t see that broom stick but the pasta fail was apparent. It became clear that pasta making was not on the agenda that day. Moral of the story – don’t use dad’s chair. End of story

pasta

Number Four – Easter chocolate

This is an early one, back in the childhood days. My school friend and I thought it would be really nice to make some Easter chocolates for our class mates. We had the chocolate, we had the moulds, we were ready. Until we realised we had crap chocolate that wasn’t melting well. I know, let’s add water! If you’ve ever cooked with chocolate you’d know how much water and chocolate really don’t mix. At first it seemed really silky and we high fived each other for the awesome solution. Eagerly we poured it into the moulds and waited. The chocolates we popped out were grainy and pretty inedible. Water and chocolate really don’t like each other. They were binned. I think our class mates were thankful. Moral of the story – use good quality ingredients to start with and take your time with chocolate. It’s one ingredient you can’t rush.

chocolate

Number Five – The split hollandaise

Hollandaise is an egg and clarified butter emulsion. It’s like making mayonaise but with butter instead of oil. It is a little more technical but so worth it. It was on the menu in a restaurant I worked in and I thought it was all good until a dish was called and I realised it had split. Now hollandaise isn’t quick to fix. A dish that is called away is usually expected in front of the head chef in about two minutes max. Fixing hollandaise requires whipping up new eggs into a sabayon (for a basic recipe so you get the idea check it out here) and remix the split sauce back in. Now we are looking at about five minutes. So what to do? Keep your cool. Never admit there’s a problem. Send all the other dishes you can before madly trying to remake the sauce and send the dish. A bit of smoke and mirrors shall we say. If you’re lucky and work with a good team you can recruit someone to help you make the sauce or slow their dishes down so you all get you food together as one. I had a good team. They also helped me and my chef never knew. Moral of the story – check everything before assuming it’s ok. And ask for help if you need to. There’s no shame in needing someone to have your back.

hollandaise

Do you have any cooking disasters you’d like to share? I’d love to hear your horror stories and triumphs

A little bit of fun – What do Robots Eat?!

Sometimes I like to take a break from cooking and have fun contemplating what would certain things eat? I mean, if you were a robot what would you eat? Below is my take on it all – enjoy! 🙂

What do robots eat?

With a  whiz and a whir,

A clank and a stir,

I saw my robot scoot across the room,

So as I ate my lunch a thought began to loom!

What do robots eat?

However do they make an afternoon treat?

Do they make a battery snack with a side of oil?

Or do they eat nuts and bolts wrapped in aluminium foil?

Do robots enjoy chocolate, biscuits and cupcakes like me?

Or do they just whiz and whir sustained on volts of electricity?

Can they wash their dishes or would they rust?

I’m guessing a special waterproof attachment is a must!

Do robots know how to chop and slice?

Or do they have a robot friend who knows how to dice?

If I was a robot I know I would love to eat,

Spanners and screws and some grease as a treat.

It must be fun being a robot and chowing down on bits and scraps,

But then I think I would miss doughnuts, cakes and flapjacks….

mgtn272l